short

I think about love a lot.

I think about undeclared love mostly.

As someone who doesn't declare her love due to fear of a sharp shattering pain that will never end, I often wonder what is in store for me.

Picture Story #2

It's an odd feeling when you know something is slipping through your fingers right in front of you. When something is being offered to you--something you've wanted for so long--and you're too scared to take the leap.

It sucks. It does, that's true. By nature, it sucks. But...at the same time it's kind of comforting. Comforting because nothing has changed. Life still goes on, as it has, and will continue to. No, I didn't get to experience something that could have been amazing...but by not taking the opportunity, nothing really bad happened other than my feelings getting hurt.

Does this mean I'm self-loathing? Maybe.

By severe contrast, my sisters love life has been rockin'. She's a hot mama about the town, I'll tell ya. It's not surprising, though. If a girl can have this much fun at an airport, just imagine the fun she can have other places.

Which brings us to picture story #2:

Picture Story #1

I have an odd thing with vanity which sometimes makes advancing myself in my career difficult. I see friends who post their acting accomplishments, pictures and videos of shows they've been involved with to networking sites, blogs, and YouTube. I don't judge this. I think that's great. For them. I guess it's that some part of me feels too much like an opportunist or ... too vain if I overwhelm the Internet with my me-ness.

I'm discovering that it can be a tough line to walk between self-advertisement and self-indulgence.

At the same time, I'm also working on this taking risks thing/making my life more awesome. I've always admired people who tell me stories of the crazy things they did in their youth for money or for the hell of it.

Standing back and looking at the fact that today I: Read a book. Went back to sleep because I convinced myself I needed more. Washed some dishes ... I see that I could use a little more excitement.

I have to say, I have been acting on this. I recently worked at a gay/lesbian travel expo for 5 hours. I was in charge of (wo)manning a booth where the coordinator gave me free beer.

I am being considered to lay down some back-up vocals on an experimental band's new album (i don't know anyone in the band and it's kinda scary) for some cash and a burrito.

And today, my big step was to respond to a craigslist add for a photographer who wanted visually interesting faces to take pictures of. I'm not totally sure what "visually interesting" means to him, but I think I can have a pretty expressive face.

This leads me to today's post. While searching for just the right picture to send to him, I stumbled upon some pictures that have been sitting on my computer, bored, unshared, lonely, neglected--so I believe that for the next few posts, I'll give them a little light.

Today's picture story:

















Thanksgiving 2008 @ the Ballards

Composition Book Sample Tray

Some things I've wondered and thought about while on the bus to various interviews for jobs I have not gotten:

-What are we supposed to do with our VHS tapes?

-Who figured out how to eat an artichoke?

-Do people who are blind experience that feeling you get when you know someone is staring at you?

-If I hung out with the younger generation, I'm pretty sure I could start a word-of-mouth understanding that the slang "to dis" someone came from the word "disappoint" instead of "disrespect".

-I can't imagine the world without earphones.

-How did people find drugs? Did they just walk around, look at plants and ask "can ya smoke it?"

-The most attractive thing to do in public is read.

-Did the invention of electricity actually improve society?

-I really liked the professor I had who encouraged me to take two shots of whiskey before coming to my final.

A stumble I'll share with you.

This guy made me want to start drawing again. www.jowpaul.com

Jennifer needs...and a thank you to Google for it's slap-in the face style reality checks.

1. Jennifer needs a smack daddy.

I have never denied this.

2. Jennifer needs to get in bed with Kyle.

I dunno who Kyle is...but BRING IT ON!

3. Jennifer needs a cold shower.

After Kyle, who wouldn't?

4. Jennifer needs a mortician.

wait for it...

5. Jennifer needs a shave.

I don't know who this stalker is, but I can't blame them for telling the truth.

6. Jennifer needs to get over what happened between Angelina and Brad.

I do. I really do. It still upsets me but I've been working on it.

7. Jennifer needs a muzzle.

Unfortunately, this isn't the first time I've heard this.

8. Jennifer needs 2 1/2 cups of sugar to make cookies for 15 people.

This seems like a lot of sugar. But why question google?

9. Jennifer needs to find a self righteous, conspicuous "I'm better than you" charitable position so she can keep charming the sheep into thinking she matters a rat's ass, like Scangalina did.

This is getting pretty involved. Didn't say I was WORKING ON IT?

10. Jennifer needs to date men her age.

Amen. My constant longing for the "slightly matured" needs to tone down a bit. Let's stick with under 70 years old, shall we? Perhaps that would cure my need for a mortician...

...OH SNAP!

Show and Tell

I was looking through my saved school work from my elementary days this afternoon. I found one truly profound essay that I will share with you now.

"Achieving Student of the Year"

My main goal is to get student of the year. I will work as hard as a bird building his nest. I will have my work finished by nine o'clock the next morning. In this way I will get a good grade. Another way I can achieve student of the year award is by doing this. I will help my classmates out with any problems they have what so ever. I will also help the teacher out with anything he needs help with.

I might not achieve this goal. But if I can help alot of people and be a great role model then it is worth a try. I want to achieve this goal because it will only be a one time experience for me. My parents and other relitives will be proud of me.

My other goal that is not so important is to finish all of my work. If I finish all of my work that will help me reach my main goal. Like I said I will have to work hard. But if that is what it takes I will try my hardest. Those are my goals.

--Jennifer Rowe, Age 11


Shuffled in with my school stuff, I found a very short story written by my brother. I will share it with you now.

"A Brief Tale of Woe and Longing"

Sometimes, snuggly-wuggly in my bed late at night when all is dark and wind whistles through the trees and through Emily's little doggie noggin, I dream dreamy little dreams of longing about the $20,000 J. Peterman Shopping Spree. Oh, joy! Oh, Rapture! I turn up my electric blanket so high that if my feet were two slices of bread, in the morning they would be toast.

--Justus Ballard, Age unknown